Today I got switched to the contemplation of one story I have heard so many times since I was barely 7 years old. The fact that I came of age and I was now able to understand it doesn’t mean that all along I was not taking it with the seriousness it deserves. Some things are not meant for us to understand until it’s time, but feel free to coin my theory as a way to defend my actions.
I first heard the story at church then heard it all through primary school. This mostly happened after the end-of-term examinations were announced by my class teacher. I do not know whether these words were meant to scold or celebrate. This is for you to try and figure out too. I think it became music to my ears more in primary school because I was in a Catholic school and we had church service every Thursday, so I would be confident to say that I heard the story at least once every week and this means that I heard it at least 52 times in a year plus the emphasis bit in the week after the exam which gives us at least 7 times in a week/term which translates to 21 times a year. Add this to the 4-week holiday break we had at the end of every term where our parents emphasized it more than enough times. With this, the tally gets harder especially since I haven’t factored in high school, college, and the years after school. My point is, I didn’t get it all that time till today.
God rewards the efforts of those who have toiled. This statement has been mentioned in the religious books using different stories like the parable of the sower as well as in verses that talk about laziness and how that can never get to bear fruit. It is laziness even in hobbies we hope to get good at. Laziness brings about procrastination which is a graver vice. Apart from the efforts and reward promise, the Bible even gave solutions or hints on how to avoid laziness and ensure that we all never miss out on the reward. It says in Ecclesiastes 4:9 that two are better than 1, a concept adopted even in sports. I am certain that this too exists in other religious books or even ways of life.
As I got myself into different activities like sports, music, writing, school, art, among others, I somehow knew that I would be good at them judging from the chills I got from just the thought of them. I would later breathe a sigh of relief on finding out that I was indeed good. In the shadows larked some very compelling negative thoughts about the jack of all trades and master of none. To make matters even worse, I forgot about one aspect, time. That all those activities could not work out all at the same time and by the time I do not mean one happening 3 years after I have become a master of the other. I mean having a structure and knowing what time to dedicate to each. It’s called planning.
Let’s enjoy this moment before the sad part. I thrived in most of these activities bit by bit and even found a way to intertwine some of them. I played in a jazz band, then a contemporary music band. I still did my classical music at school which won me and the school accolades that had not been seen for a long time, and by a long time, I mean a long time especially since my school was founded in 1926. I played rugby and trialed for the national team under 20. Then I became a rugby referee and did great with the opportunities that presented. I started this blog and got better as I read more, thought more, and wrote more. I was comfortable and happy about finding my niche. I knew how to indulge in art by living art. I do not draw, paint but I know friends who do. I prefer collecting and my Pinterest board would help you understand my taste and where I would want to be. Then there was college and the struggle. The positive thing about college is the fact that I got my first job before doing my last year and there is a short story about that coming up. I even started a very interesting online course on udemy.com that would up-skill me a lot. There is nothing that I couldn’t do and the bits and pieces worked perfectly until they didn’t anymore.
Growing up is tough especially when you do not establish a nub where all activities you are involved in stem from. I lost faith in the process as far as music was concerned and I resulted in just doing karaoke. I stopped seeing the venues where I performed with the jazz band as stages but bars were the only business I could have just drunk and chill. I stopped writing, as you can see from my posts. I was working on a book but then I stopped. I had the chapters figured out but I just believe I couldn’t do it since I didn’t have time. I didn’t pursue the challenges I was facing in college which were brought about by the job I got and complications with the transfer of campus. I kept fighting when the solution just lays right there. I didn’t consider it. What came next was the indiscipline with my rugby referee training schedule. There was hope with this one though. Then I became distant with friends and this is what bugged me the most because it somehow extended to family and what is more tragic than distancing yourself from family. That got redeemed in a way. Then with the online course, 2 years down the line and still not yet completed.
Let me focus on my referee training schedule. My counterparts in the rugby refereeing business trained hard and I lost a bit of touch on various aspects. I kept telling myself that I was good and even remember myself going for a whole 7s season without training. I somehow thrived but nobody knew what they would find if they flipped the glory page. My counterparts thrived in great ways. I thrived too but I could have done much better if I was just a little bit more disciplined. I use this example because this is what opened my eyes and threw me deep in thought. It’s the one that gives a clear and obvious understanding of why the rewards are not coming even in the other activities.
I am tired of always wishing for that week where I will take a break from everything and just experience sanity.
So, today I do not want to think of anything else except accepting that I caused this and I need to fix it because, indeed, God rewards the efforts of those who have toiled. Libra is about balance and so far I have been doing a bad job at maintaining it. At least I know how to because I am born one. I got this!!
keenwithkinuthia 